


Kizuna

by cadkitten



Category: Dir en grey
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Fingerfucking, M/M, Sex Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-11
Updated: 2012-10-11
Packaged: 2017-11-16 02:23:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/534435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadkitten/pseuds/cadkitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaoru’s been dwelling too much on his thoughts, allowing the world to crush down on him. He turns to the only one he knows can pull him from his own funk; Kyo.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kizuna

**Author's Note:**

  * For [megumip](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=megumip).



> Prompt[s]: The kanji of the year in 2011 in Japan was kizuna. Kaoru’s large red kanji tattoo is also kizuna. Kizuna means bond.  
> Comments: Fudging a bit on when he got the tattoo… meh.  
> Beta Readers: gothic_hime  
> Song[s]: “Dissolving Bonds” by Katatonia

Kaoru closed his eyes, his head tilting back to rest against the headrest on the back of his chair. The steady buzz of the tattoo gun was lulling him almost to sleep, the pain of the needle piercing his skin almost soothing after so many. He let out a little rush of breath as he allowed himself to slip into a more relaxed place in his mind, the worries of the day slipping away. He shed them one-by-one, like it was all a skin he needed to slough off. First, the bills that were due, then the paperwork that had been left undone, and finally the fears of losing those he cared about the most in his life.

Things had been rough for them lately as a band. Kyo’s voice was deteriorating at a rapid rate, Die’s drinking was rising to an all-time high, Toshiya was getting more and more depressed, and Shinya… well, he was the one fairing the best, but his lack of issues was pulling him further from the others in a variety of other ways. Kaoru felt like things were dissolving before his very eyes and it stressed him out more than he cared to actually admit. This was his life… these four men were closer than his own family was to him, and the very idea of a loss of such magnitude was already scarring his heart in ways he couldn’t even begin to express.

His eyelids fluttered a little, a single tear trickling down and slipping into his hairline. He huffed out a little breath and frowned deeply, wishing he could stop the turmoil that boiled inside of him, even in his most comforting place. It had already been two hours and the artist was almost done, and still… still the last bit of his fear plagued him in a way that made it clear larger steps had to be made to get his mind off of things. The only other thing he could do to ease it, he hadn’t allowed himself in years. But it seemed, he’d have to, for certain.

The minutes ticked by and eventually the artist told him he was done, showed him the work and then bandaged his arm up for the night. He paid, leaving the shop and wandering listlessly for a long while before he finally made up his mind. He was too far over the edge to not do as he desired tonight. He could only hope that Kyo would understand as he had in the past. But it’d been so very long that he wasn’t sure the other would still open his home and his arms to him.

That thought weighing heavily on him, he took the last train to Kyo’s station, getting off and making the ten minute walk to the other’s home. Once he arrived at the door, he took in one calming breath and raised his hand, knocking on the door and waiting. It was some time before the door slid open and Kyo stood there, looking more disheveled than he’d ever seen him before. His hair was sticking up in every which way, his face was flushed, and he looked honestly like he had been working out, his clothing stuck to him, sweat glistening on his brow, trickling down his neck and soaking into the collar of his shirt.

Kaoru opened his mouth and Kyo shook his head, ushering him into the foyer and then closing the door behind him. “Now talk,” the vocalist offered, coming back around in front of him and leaning one hip against the wall, crossing his arms over his chest.

Kaoru’s eyes swept over the rest of Kyo’s form, finding the other’s pants tented in arousal. At that, his own arousal flared, but he could only think of why Kyo would be aroused like that, sweaty… would have taken so long to get to the door. He had someone over for exactly what Kaoru had come for in the first place. His mouth opened several times, but nothing came out. Finally, he forced out some words. “Just… checking on you… your voice… and stuff.”

Kyo sighed, pushing his hand through his hair, running the back of his hand over his forehead and then wiping it on his jeans. “You always have been a terrible liar, Kaoru. Just tell me why you’re really here… I was a bit busy.”

Kaoru stared at him for one long moment before looking away and shaking his head. “Just never mind… it’s pointless now anyway.” He turned away, feeling that hole inside him open even wider, that place where his fears swelled the most, threatened to consume him whole. It was gaping for him, waiting to take him into the depths and he knew that leaving was only allowing it to happen. But what other choice did he have? Ruin Kyo’s current engagement with his problems? What if it wasn’t just a simple booty-call, maybe it was more… a real relationship? Could he ruin that to save himself from his own thoughts? The answer was crystal clear to him and he reached for the doorknob, twisting it, when he heard a voice that stopped him cold.

“Kyo? Who is it?” That sweet voice belonged to the only other person in his life that he could have turned to right then: Die. He closed his eyes and wanted to just fall through a hole in the floor. It felt terrible to know what he shouldn’t, to see something he knew had been hidden for a reason.

“It’s Kaoru,” Kyo answered quietly, something in his voice that didn’t allow Kaoru to just open the door and bolt from the scene. Rather, he turned to look, hearing footsteps and then the rustle of clothing.

Die stood just behind Kyo, equally as flushed and sweaty, his face radiant, though his hair was – as always – perfectly framing his face. He smiled at Kaoru, tilting his head and gesturing. “New tattoo?”

Kaoru just nodded, a numb feeling in his chest. He swallowed thickly, glancing between the two of them, finally able to do what he needed to. “I’m sorry I’ve interrupted. I should go, I’ll just… I’ll talk to you later, yeah, Kyo?”

Kyo pushed himself away from the wall, dark eyes holding something knowing in them. He reached to touch the bandage, pushing his fingers down on it just hard enough to make Kaoru suck in a breath. “No… not later… you need to talk now, don’t you?”

Kaoru jerked his arm back from Kyo’s touch, backing up into the door with a solid thud. He could feel his body already reacting to the other’s presence, to the way he wanted to be with him. But he knew he couldn’t, knew he was intruding on what Kyo and Die obviously held together.

Kyo took another step closer, almost pinning Kaoru to the door, one arm on either side of him as he leveled him with his gaze. He breathed out, only loud enough for Kaoru to hear him, “Is this the sort of visit, I think it is? Just a simple yes or no will do.”

The guitarist closed his eyes and then gave a tiny nod. After a moment’s hesitation, he murmured, “That’s why I have to leave. I’m sorry… I didn’t know.”

Kyo backed up a step and when Kaoru opened his eyes, he could see the vocalist had his arms crossed over his chest. “Didn’t know what?” This time his words were louder, enough that Die was watching them both in interest.

“I didn’t… I didn’t mean to interrupt um… personal time between the two of you. I’ll leave and let you get back to it.” Kaoru fumbled behind himself for the doorknob, finding it and twisting, trying to pull it forward, but it was obviously locked.

“Personal time?” Die questioned, causing Kaoru to look up at him, seeing the confused look on his face. “Do you really call going through Kyo’s spare room full of shit personal time?” He laughed. “He’s a goddamn pack rat, I swear it!”

Kaoru’s eyes flicked from Die to Kyo and then back again, confusion written clearly all over his face. “You… but…” his eyes came back to Kyo’s body, going between his crotch and his face and then back to Die’s face. “What?”

Kyo raised one hand, putting it over his mouth, obviously trying to hide the fact that he was laughing. Die, on the other hand, just looked lost as all hell. “What’s going on?”

The vocalist fielded that one, chuckling as he turned away from Kaoru and walked past Die, patting him on the shoulder. “He thought we were fucking.”

Die’s mouth formed a little ‘o’ and his eyes widened as he held up his hands. “Dude, that was only once years ago and I was just experimenting and-“

“Die!” A balled up piece of paper came hurdling in from the living room. “You said you wouldn’t talk about that!” Kyo appeared in the doorway, giving him a stern look.

Die winced a little and picked up the piece of trash. “Sorry….”

“Mmmhmm, I’m sure you are.” He shook his head and glanced up at Kaoru, a smirk on his face. “I’ll forgive you if you go right now and replace the table you broke.”

“But the shop’s all the way across Tokyo!” Die looked visibly upset by this fact, giving Kyo his best begging look. “I didn’t mean to and you said you weren’t mad…”

“I’m not mad about that, but you just shared a secret.” He glanced at Kaoru and gave him a smoldering look that shot heat straight through Kaoru’s entire body.

Die groaned and then murmured, “Fine… fine… I get the point.” He left the room and Kaoru could hear him banging around in the other room, getting shoes on and whatnot.

Kyo crossed the room and pushed Kaoru against the door, one hand sliding down his chest to the slight bulge in his pants, groping at him until Kaoru bucked toward his hand with a gasp. “That’s right… I know why you’re here. It’s been years, but you still have that same look on your face that you did that very first time.” His mouth slid over Kaoru’s jaw, teeth grazing the area. “I’ll soothe that ache inside you… but not for nothing. You owe me a little discussion afterward, agreed?”

Kaoru agreed without even thinking about it, his cock swelling in his pants, his mind already slipping away from his problems and onto sexual desire. He wanted nothing more than to fuck, to lie down and let Kyo take his body to places he’d never imagined could be true until he’d been with the other man. “Fuck me,” he whispered out, his body arching toward Kyo’s, a shudder slipping through him.

Kyo pulled away just as Die came into the room, looking a bit breathless. Kaoru moved away from the door, standing to the side, his head bowed in something that was a cross between shame and desire. Die paused beside him, patting him on the shoulder. “Stop worrying so much, Kaoru…” with that he was off and out the door, closing it behind him.

Kyo came to lock the door and gestured at Kaoru’s shoes. “Take them off.”

The guitarist did as he was asked, ditching his shoes and quietly following after Kyo as the vocalist headed into the bedroom. He was just far enough behind that Kyo was only just pushing his pants off when he came into the room. He watched as the vocalist bent and pulled his pants off, putting them to the side, revealing his gorgeous ass to Kaoru’s view. His pants grew tighter and he knew instantly that he just wanted to fuck as hard and as fast as he possibly could. He needed release before he found his peace, and he knew Kyo wouldn’t protest in the least.

He quickly removed his own clothing, dropping it in a pile on the floor before he advanced on the vocalist, grabbing him around the waist and pushing his back so he would lean on the bed, his ass up in the air. It was convenient that the other liked western-style beds, he decided. He grabbed the lube from the open bedside stand, quickly squirting some on his fingers and hurriedly pushing one into Kyo’s body, the vocalist utterly silent under him, though he pushed back against his finger.

Kaoru went through the motions of prepping the other, quickly getting him to the point where he could be taken, then unwrapping a condom and rolling it over his dick. He lubed up as fast as he could and then pushed into Kyo’s body with a loud groan. He didn’t stop for anything, wrapping one arm around Kyo’s waist, leaning over him and supporting himself with the other hand on the bed as he started to thrust. All that mattered right then was his own orgasm, something he’d desired for so long that he knew he wouldn’t last. The slick sound of him entering the vocalist’s body filled the room, their combined breathing the only other sound.

It took him all of five minutes to reach his peak and when he did, it was one of the loudest orgasms he’d ever had in his entire life. He let out the most lewd of moans as he filled the condom between them, still fucking Kyo hard and fast the entire time. Eventually, he slowed down, thrusting in one final time with a cry of, “Fuck!” before he pulled out and quickly went about getting the condom off, tied, and tossed in the trashcan beside the bed.

Kyo only moved then, grabbing Kaoru and pushing him down on the bed, crawling over him, pushing his way between the guitarist’s legs. “So greedy… but I imagine, it’s been a long time for you, hasn’t it?”

Kaoru let out a weak little positive sound and just lay there, his mind fading away from him as Kyo started to work on his body. He could feel the vocalist pushing his fingers into his passage, prepping him for what was to come. Even when he felt the slick slide of one of Kyo’s dildos push into him, he didn’t respond with anything other than a soft groan. He was in that place where he wanted to be and he wasn’t going to remove himself until he was wrenched from it.

Kyo took his time; fucking him with the toy until he was satisfied he could fit comfortably and not hurt the other man. A few more minutes slipped past and then Kaoru felt the warmth of Kyo’s cock entering him. He reached up, slipping his arms around Kyo’s body as the vocalist began to labor over him, thrusting into his body with little tiny sounds of pleasure. 

Kaoru arched toward the other man, his dick growing hard again, a testament to how much he did enjoy this, even on a physical level, not just emotional.

Kyo took his time, pausing a few times to simply explore Kaoru’s body, his hands running over his nipples and down across his stomach, then to his cock, wrapping his long fingers around the other’s length and stroking him until Kaoru was writhing beneath him. He began to thrust again, pumping Kaoru’s dick in time with his thrusts. The moment Kaoru’s dick began to pulse, spurting his release out over his chest, Kyo thrust a bit harder, shoving in one final time and closing his eyes as he came as well.

Pulling out, he tugged the condom off and then laid himself out over the guitarist’s body, his arms slipping around him, his cheek resting on Kaoru’s shoulder. “Tell me… what’s bothering you so much this time that it took both the tattoo and me to calm you down?”

Kaoru took a few moments to gather himself, finally feeling like he could talk again. He murmured softly, “Us… all of us… I so afraid of losing you… us… all of it.”

Kyo nodded a little. “Because of my voice?”

“That and a lot of other things,” Kaoru admitted quietly.

“Such as?”

“Die’s drinking, Toshiya’s depression, the label being a fucking dick… Shinya… I don’t even know on that one.” Kaoru sounded more and more distressed with each word.

“Stop.” Kyo’s hand slid over Kaoru’s side. “You worry too much and you take it all on yourself like you can fix it. But you miss what’s already being fixed in the process.” He lifted his head and smiled a little at Kaoru. “Die’s drinking is already being taken care of, by yours truly. That’s part of why he’s here. I won’t explain more because it’s private, but we’re working on it.” He allowed his nails to slide down Kaoru’s hip and then back up his side. “And Toshiya’s gotten himself a good therapist and some pills since we got done with the last tour. Shinya will be fine on his own, he just needs to see us healing and he’ll be fine.”

“But that still leaves you,” Kaoru whispered out, his biggest fear right there in his arms.

“What happens, happens. Nothing can change whatever’s in store for me, Kaoru. No amount of worrying will help it, either. But I can promise you that until the day our spark dies, I will give each and every one of you every ounce of strength I have. I won’t let the world crush me without a fight.” Kyo reached one hand to gently run through Kaoru’s hair. “You worry too much and get too bent out of shape about it. In the end, you don’t think of yourself at all and we’re going to fix that, too.” He gave him a small smile. “You’re vising me once a week. If we talk or fuck or whatever, it doesn’t matter. But you better show up every single Wednesday or I’ll hunt you down. Sick, tired, pissed off, drunk, I don’t care. Be here or I’ll be mad.”

Kaoru offered a smile of his own in return and then nodded, closing his eyes. “Agreed.”

They were quiet for a long while before there was a knock on the front door and Kyo pulled himself up, quickly putting on his pants and t-shirt from earlier.

“Kyo?”

“Yeah?”

“Why were you aroused when I showed up?” Kaoru opened on eye to peer up at him.

Kyo’s face shifted into a grin. “When I get bored, I think of erotic things. Do you have any idea how boring cleaning is?” With that, he slipped out the door, closing it behind him, leaving Kaoru to lie there, a bemused look on his face.

**The End**


End file.
